


My Spikes Aren’t The Only Thing On Point

by Help_Me_Unruly, Scopion, sugascookies



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: F/F, Hinata Shouyou & Kozume Kenma Friendship, M/M, chatfic, oh and the third years are graduatingg, that too, thats it that’s the fic, they have a group chat
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-15 04:54:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29678721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Help_Me_Unruly/pseuds/Help_Me_Unruly, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scopion/pseuds/Scopion, https://archiveofourown.org/users/sugascookies/pseuds/sugascookies
Summary: Tadashi Yamaguchi: southern voice oh lawdy jeezusTetsurou Kuroo: Im currently hallucinating due to the slep depravavtiounnnKozume Kenma: go to sleepTetsurou Kuroo: mevahor: the hq people have a gc. it goes about as well as you’d expect.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Ennoshita Chikara/Tanaka Ryuunosuke, Goshiki Tsutomu/Koganegawa Kanji, Haiba Lev/Yaku Morisuke, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kinoshita Hisashi/Narita Kazuhito, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi, Semi Eita/Shirabu Kenjirou, Shimizu Kiyoko/Yachi Hitoka, Tendou Satori/Ushijima Wakatoshi
Comments: 11
Kudos: 64
Collections: Chatfics I simp for





	1. tendou go the fuck to sleep challenge

this is your brand new, shiny server! 

to get it started, invite some friends! 

_ Koushi Sugawara added 15+ people to the chat  _

Koushi Sugawara: welcome! i made so we can all stay in touch, even when we’re graduated and whatnot :)) 

Kozume Kenma: mistakes have been made. 

Ryuu Tanaka: tHeSe NiCkNaMeS aRe So BaSiC 

Daichi Sawamura: oh god my eyes

Tetsurou Kuroo: oya oya oya? 

Koutarou Bokuto:  **BRO**

Tetsurou Kuroo: bro! 

Keiji Akaashi: oh dear lord 

Tadashi Yamaguchi:  _ southern voice _ oh lawdy jeezus 

Tetsurou Kuroo: Im currently hallucinating due to the slep depravavtiounnn 

Kozume Kenma: go to sleep 

Tetsurou Kuroo: mevah 

Lev Haiba: ????????????? 

Morisuke Yaku: go tf to sleep 

Koushi Sugawara: hewwo i haven’t slept in 35 hours 

Shouyou Hinata: !!!!!!!!!! 

Daichi Sawamura: Please go to bed 

Tetsurou Kuroo: your nit my dadddd 

Koutarou Bokuto:  **MY DUDE MY BRO GO TO BED**

Tetsurou Kuroo: fine 

Tetsurou Kuroo: gnight 

_ tetsurou kuroo is offline  _

_ ~~3 hours later~~ _

_ tetsurou kuroo is online _

Tetsurou Kuroo: But… what if the sea is only salty because the land never waves back? 

Kei Tsukishima: it is literally 2 am what the fuck 

Koushi Sugawara: no no, he’s got a point

Tetsurou Kuroo: SEE?!

Yuu Nishinoya: cHaOs HoUr 

Chikara Ennoshita: please no 

Satori Tendou:  _ i heard chaos and i ran as fast as i could _

Ryuu Tanaka: hE zOoM 

Wakatoshi Ushijima: Tendou, go to bed. 

Satori Tendou: don’t wanna, country boy 

Tooru Oikawa:  _ gasp _

Hajime Iwaizumi: no. 

Tooru Oikawa: I’m gonna take my horse to the old town road~ 

Satori Tendou: i got my horses in the back~ 

Tobio Kageyama: i regret every decision in my life that has lead me to this point 

Shouyou Hinata: No you don’t. 

Tooru Oikawa: horse tack is attached~ 

Satori Tendou: hat is matte black~ 

Wakatoshi Ushijima: Tendou, for the love of god, go to sleep. 

Satori Tendou: Sleep is for the weak. And  _ I  _ am not weak. 

Tooru Oikawa: got the boots that’s black to match~ 

Satori Tendou: riding on a horse, hah~ 

Tooru Oikawa: you can whip your porsche 

Satori Tendou: i been in the valley~

Tooru Oikawa: you ain’t been up off that porch, now 

Koushi Sugawara: GO TO BED. 

_ Satori Tendou, Tooru Oikawa, Wakatoshi Ushikima and 3 others went offline _

~~The Next Morning~~ 

Tadashi Yamaguchi: on days like these, kids like us should be BURNING IN HELL 

Daichi Sawamura: i-

Koushi Sugawara: Why do you say that? 

Kei Tsukishima: hes pissed that practice got cancelled bc of the snow 

Tobio Kageyama: And with good right! 

Yuu Nishinoya: tHiS cHaT iS bOrInG wItHoUt SoMe FuN nAmEs 

Ryuu Tanaka: BrO yOuRe RiGhT

Koushi Sugawara: You’re* 

Yuu Nishinoya: i GoT oNe! 

_ Yuu Nishinoya changed Koushi Sugawara’s name to Suga-Mama _

Suga-Mama: Why god… why me? 

_ Yuu Nishinoya changed Yuu Nishinoya’s name to ROOOOLLLING THUNDERRRR _

ROOOOLLLING THUNDERRRR: tHaTs BeTtEr

Ryuu Tanaka: dO oNe FoR mE! 

ROOOOLLLING THUNDERRRR: sUrE tHiNg BrO 

_ ROOOOLLLING THUNDERRRR changed Ryuu Tanaka’s name to Buddha _

Buddha: oH hElL yEaH 

Kei Tsukishima: why tf can’t i leave 

Suga-Mama: you’re trapped :))

_ ROOOOLLLING THUNDERRRR changed Kei Tsukishima’s name to Salty-shima _

Salty-shima: wow thanks! i hate it! 

Wakatoshi Ushijima: What was the scream in the dorms?

ROOOOLLLING THUNDERRRR: yOuRe WeLcOmE

Satori Tendou: semi-semi fell down the stairs :))

Tobio Kageyama: ha loser 

Suga-Mama: is he okay??!??!? 

Eita Semi: not really 

Eita Semi: dropped my CROISSANT

Salty-shima: oh boo hoo

Daichi Sawamura: well, at least you’re conscious 

_ Buddha changed Daichi Sawamura’s name to Dad-chi  _

Dad-chi: ...hmmmm 

ROOOOLLLING THUNDERRRR: wErE lIkE a FaMiLy

Buddha: a DySfUnCtIoNaL oNe At ThAt 

Suga-Mama: Hinata is my favorite child

Shouyou Hinata: ¯\\_( ͡❛ ͜ʖ ͡❛)_/¯ 

Salty-shima: pathetic. 

Buddha: 

https://images.app.goo.gl/D6wRXq76y7ka8EZ48

Tadashi Yamaguchi: Calm down, Tsukki. I’m sure @Suga-Mama meant well 

Lev Haiba: ow, i hate being SIX FOOT FIVE

Tetsurou Kuroo: sucks 2 suck i guess

Morisuke Yaku: ill steal your fucking kneecaps, BITCH

Suga-Mama: What’s happening here? 

Chikara Ennoshita: hell if i know 

Chikara Ennoshita: all i wanted was to sleep

Tobio Kageyama: fuck if I know

Dad-chi: guys, chill out

ROOOOLLLING THUNDERRRR: yOuRe NoT mY dAd

Shouyou Hinata: you are my dad~ 

Tadashi Yamaguchi: (you’re my dad! boogie woogie woogie!) 

Dad-chi: i- 

Salty-shima: shame on you, tadashi, i thought i taught you better than this 

Tadashi Yamaguchi: he’s your dad too, Tsukki 

Hitoka Yachi: shots fired- 

ROOOOLLLING THUNDERRRR: iLl SaY 

Keiji Akaashi: i hope you know your typing gives me a migraine

Koutarou Bokuto:  **AAAAAAGGGGGAAAASSSHHHEEEEE**

Koutarou Bokuto:  **YOURE ON!!!!!!**

Keiji Akaashi: shut up, bokuto

Tetsurou Kuroo: 👀

Suga-Mama: doesn’t class start in three minutes? 

Buddha: bitch we’re on zoom, we got time 

Dad-chi: did…..did you just call Suga a bitch? 

Suga-Mama: 🔪 

Satori Tendou: WAKATOSHIIIII 

Satori Tendou: I HAVE A MATH TEST AND I DONT WANNA DO ITTTTT 

Tetsurou Kuroo: first name basis 👀 

Wakatoshi Ushijima: Satori, you need to do this test. 

Tooru Oikawa: SATORI??????????? 

Wakatoshi Ushijima: Shit. 

Suga-Mama: are you two…????? 

_ Hajime Iwaizumi changed Tooru Oikawa’s name to Dooru.  _

Shouyou Hinata: Iwaizumi literally could not care less :0 

Hajime Iwaizumi: got that right, kid 

_ Dooru changed Hajime Iwaizumi’s name to Iwa-Chan~  _

Iwa-Chan~: i absolutely despise you

Atsumu Miya: the energy of this gc is 💯

Buddha: cAn We GeT bAcK tO uShIjImA aNd TeNdOu DaTiNg 

Wakatoshi Ushijima: No. 

_ Dooru changed Wakatoshi Ushijima’s name to waka waka (this time for africa)  _

waka waka (this time for africa): Nevermind, you definitely should not have come to Shiratorizawa. 

Dooru: eye- 

Tetsurou Kuroo: hAH 

Suga-Mama: not to rain on y’all’s parade but class started five minutes ago 

Buddha: wAiT sHiT 

Dad-chi: y’all’s 

Suga-Mama: stopppp i can see you laughing on the call 

Azumane Asahi: woah….this is something…. 

Lev Haiba: hi! welcome to hell! 

Morisuke Yaku: it’s hell only bc you’re here 

Kozume Kenma: stop being a tsundere, yaku

Suga-Mama: GO TO CLASS 

_ Suga-Mama has locked the chat for the next 8 hours.  _


	2. wal-mart is now in japan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> iwa locks oikawa out of the gym

Suga-Mama has unlocked the chat 

waka waka (this time for africa): I’m on the verge of tears. 

Satori Tendou: omfg what’s wrong? 

waka waka (this time for africa): Why is our team like this? 

Satori Tendou: OH THAT 

Dad-chi: what happened? 

waka waka (this time for africa): Semi got a ball stuck in the ceiling, so they sent Goshiki up to get it. 

waka waka (this time for africa): They forgot the ceiling is 25 feet up. 

Suga-Mama: oh my god 

Satori Tendou: update: everything is outta the ceiling 

Dad-chi: oh phew 

Buddha changed Satori Tendou’s name to chicken tendou 

chicken tendou: surprisingly, i’m not mad at it 

waka waka (this time for africa): I’m angry on your behalf. 

Buddha: wHaT a GeNtLeMaN 

ROOOOLLLING THUNDERRRR: iNdEeD 

Chikara Ennoshita: oh my god, i’m so sorry about them 

Suga-Mama: WAIT A SECOND 

Suga-Mama: I FORGOT TWO CHILDREN 

Suga-Mama added Hisashi Kinoshita and Kazuhito Narita to the chat 

Kazuhito Narita: FINALLY 

Hisashi Kinoshita: we were forgotten :( 

Chikara Ennoshita: sorry, bros :( 

Suga-Mama: oh my god i’m so sorry 

Dooru: imagine forgetting your own teammate 

Tobio Kageyama: you don’t know their names apart from Iwaizumi, do you? 

Dooru: not a one. 

waka waka (this time for africa): can you all stop chatting? it is 10:00. 

chicken tendou: nope! 💕 

waka waka (this time for africa): 💕 

Salty-shima: disgusting. 

Tadashi Yamaguchi: drivers license 

Tadashi Yamaguchi: that is all. 

Hitoka Yachi changed Tadashi Yamaguchi’s name to Gucci 

Gucci: no complaints 

Kiyoko: Yachi????!???? 

Suga-Mama: she’s been corrupted 😔 

Tobio Kageyama: is no one gonna comment on the fact that it is STILL SNOWING 

Lev Haiba: wait, it is? 

Morisuke Yaku: look out a window, dumbass 

Shouyou Hinata: so pretty :0 

Tobio Kageyama: not as pretty as you 

Tobio Kageyama has deleted one message. 

private message: Dooru and Tobio Kageyama 

Dooru: that was the least slick thing i’ve ever seen 

Tobio Kageyama: he’s too cute 😔 

Dooru: you’re in deep 

Tobio Kageyama: you think i don’t know that?

Tobio Kageyama: what about you and Iwa- 

Tooru Oikawa has ended the private chat. 

Volleyball Friends :)) 

ROOOOLLLING THUNDERRRR: aNd tHaTs HoW i GoT aRrEsTeD 

Azumane Asahi: i- 

Shouyou Hinata: so you stole the Switch? 

ROOOOLLLING THUNDERRRR: yEaH 

Buddha has changed the chat name to My Spikes Aren’t The Only Thing On Point 

Suga-Mama: long suffering sigh 

Dad-chi: Fascinating choice. 

chicken tendou: i’m sitting next to Wakatoshi and he just threw his phone across the room i’m screaming- 

Eita Semi: can confirm, i’m in the next room 

Suga-Mama: wait wait wait 

Suga-Mama: i just realized something 

Dad-chi: what’s up? 

Suga-Mama: Kageyama just called Hinata cute,,,, 

Salty-shima: two idiots, they’re meant to be

Tobio Kageyama: I AM RIGHT HERE-

Yuuji Terushima: such cuties 

Yuuji Terushima: anyway what’s up party people 

waka waka (this time for africa): no. 

Dad-chi: guys go to bed 

Suga-Mama: i have homework ;-; 

Shouyou Hinata: i don’t sleep 

Tobio Kageyama: ^ 

Kozume Kenma: ^ 

chicken tendou: ^ 

Dooru: ^ 

Salty-shima: ^ 

Gucci: ^ 

Suga-Mama: ^ 

Dad-chi: SUGA NO 

waka waka (this time for africa): trauma keeps you up late 

waka waka (this time for africa) has deleted 1 message. 

Tetsurou Kuroo: tfw you drop your phone in the sink and just got it fixed 

chicken tendou: wakatoshi?????!??? 

waka waka (this time for africa): hmmm? 

Shouyou Hinata: anyone wanna play minecraft? i’m boreddddd 

Kozume Kenma: sure ig 

Shouyou Hinata: yay! :D 

Group Chat: braincell trust 

tets: it’s nice having my phone back 

dai: it’s good to have you back! 

waka: I agree. 

yuuji: chaos hours 

kou: KUBRO 

tets: bokubro!!!!! 

yuuji: hey kuroo are you free tomorrow 

tets: why do you need to know, group whore? 

yuuji: D: 

dai: you’ve been shot d o w n 

tooru: anyone wanna go fuck around in Wal-Mart for like an hour 

tooru: Iwa-Chan locked me out of the gym

waka: you were probably asking for it 

dai: where’s your grammar go, Ushijima? 

waka: you’ve killed it 

waka: all of you

My Spikes Aren’t The Only Thing On Point 

Suga-Mama: let’s play a game or something 

Suga-Mama: my brain is fried atm 

waka waka (this time for africa): same here 

waka waka (this time for africa): finals are very much stressing me out 

chicken tendou: why the fuck is math so hard 

Suga-Mama: @here would anyone be willing to play truth or dare? 

chicken tendou: i’m down 

waka waka (this time for africa): ^ 

Tetsurou Kuroo: ^ 

Koutarou Bokuto: ^ 

Tobio Kageyama: ^ 

Shouyou Hinata: ^ 

Salty-shima: ^ 

Gucci: ^ 

Hitoka Yachi: ^ 

Kiyoko: ^ 

Dooru: ^ 

Iwa-Chan~: ^ 

Dad-chi: ^ 

Azumane Asahi: ^ 

Buddha: ^ 

ROOOOLLLING THUNDERRRR: ^ 

Chikara Ennoshita: ^ 

Suga-Mama: great! 

Suga-Mama: I’ll start! 

Suga-Mama: Kiyoko, truth or dare? 

Kiyoko: dare. 

Suga-Mama: tell us the first letter of your crush’s first name. 

Kiyoko: H. 

Buddha: :(( 

ROOOOLLLING THUNDERRRR: :(( 

Kiyoko: Daichi, truth or dare? 

Dad-chi: dare 

Kiyoko: i dare you to do whatever Sugawara says for the rest of the night. 

Dad-chi: :0 

Suga-Mama: >:3 

Dad-chi: okay, Yamaguchi, truth or dare? 

Gucci: truth :p 

Dad-chi: is it true that you have a crush on someone in the Karasuno association? 

Gucci: yeah

Gucci: Hinata, truth or dare? 

Shouyou Hinata: dare!!!!!! 

Gucci: i dare you to let Kageyama change your username to whatever he wants. 

Shouyou Hinata: :0

Tobio Kageyama changed Shouyou Hinata’s name to flying tangerine 

flying tangerine: i’m not mad at it! 

flying tangerine: kenma, truth or dare? 

Kozume Kenma: dare… 

flying tangerine: i dare you to go for 2 hours without playing animal crossing! 

Kozume Kenma: you’re so mean to me but ily 

flying tangerine: ily2 

private chat: Tobio Kageyama and Tetsurou Kuroo 

Tobio Kageyama: jealous bitch squad? 

Tetsurou Kuroo: definitely 

My Spikes Aren’t The Only Things On Point 

Kozume Kenma: Kuroo, truth or dare 

Tetsurou Kuroo: dare 

Kozume Kenma: tell us your sexuality 

Tetsurou Kuroo: i’m pan asf :)) 

Kozume Kenma: cool ig 

Suga-Mama: okay this was fun, but it’s 3 am 

Suga-Mama: go to bed 

waka waka (this time for africa): I agree with Sugawara here 

Tetsurou Kuroo: nooooooo 

chicken tendou: nooooooo 

Lev Haiba: nooooooo 

Suga-Mama: sigh 

Suga-Mama has locked the chat for the next 6 hours. 


	3. hehehe 420

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they get high 
> 
> TW: drug use (implied)

_ Suga-Mama has unlocked the chat  _

Suga-Mama: just a reminder that Daichi’s dare is still valid :3 

waka waka (this time for africa): it is twelve pm. what the actual fuck. 

Suga-Mama: :3 

Dooru: we broke ushijima 

waka waka (this time for africa): yes. 

Chikara Ennoshita: greetings, i’m dead inside 

Buddha: nO mY sEcOnD yEaR bUdDy 

Iwa-Chan~: felt that 

Dooru: all you wanna do, all you wanna do baby~ 

chicken tendou: !!!!! 

chicken tendou: i think we can all agree i’m the ten among these threes 

Buddha: all you wanna do, all you wanna do baby~ 

chicken tendou: and ever since i was a child i’d make the boys go WILD~

ROOOOLLLING THUNDERRRR: all you wanna do, all you wanna do baby~ 

chicken tendou: take my first music teacher, Henry Mannox 

Suga-Mama: stop it with the lyric prank 

chicken tendou: awwwww 

Dooru: yes mom 

Suga-Mama: i’m not your mother 

Suga-Mama: and i wouldn’t want to be tbh 

Dad-chi: he just went there omfg- 

Dooru: D: 

Suga-Mama: shit, i didn’t mean that, i’m sorry

Dooru: nah, it’s good, i’m a ✨problem child✨ 

Iwa-Chan~: i know this, and i love you

_ Iwa-Chan~ has deleted one message  _

Tetsurou Kuroo: 👀 

Suga-Mama: 👀

Morisuke Yaku: 👀 

_ Lev Haiba has changed Morisuke Yaku’s name to gremlin _

gremlin: i am disgusted, i am revolted, i dedicate my entire life to our lord and savior Kozume Kenma, and this is the thanks i get? 

Kozume Kenma: eye- 

Suga-Mama: someone take over tutoring Tanaka and Noya 

Suga-Mama: i cannot do this shit rn 

Suga-Mama: it’s a weekend 

Buddha: fInAlLy A bReAk

Dad-chi: take a nap 

Dad-chi: please 

waka waka (this time for africa): as much as i hate to admit it, finals are terrifying me 

Azumane Asahi: same 

Dooru: same 

chicken tendou: fuckin same 

Iwa-Chan~: only one that’s not stressing me out is history 

Koutarou Bokuto:  **WERE GONNA BE IN COLLEGE NEXT YEAR**

Koutarou Bokuto:  **AAAAAAAAAAA**

Tetsurou Kuroo: fuckin sick

Dad-chi: I DONT KNOW MATH 

Dad-chi: IM GONNA DIE 

Salty-shima: stop it 

Salty-shima: you’re blowing up the chat 

Suga-Mama: bitch are you taking finals? i thought so. 

Dooru: i’m gonna be a whole ass adult

Iwa-Chan~: that’s terrifying 

Dad-chi: we’re not gonna see each other again :0 

Suga-Mama: :0 

Dooru: oh my god…. 

**private chat: Iwa-Chan~ and Dooru**

Iwa-Chan~: i’m gonna cut to the chase here 

Iwa-Chan~ i have a big ass crush on you 

Iwa-Chan~: have since we were kids

Iwa-Chan~: and i get that you probably don’t like me back 

Iwa-Chan~ but we’re graduating and i thought i should tell you 

Dooru: Iwa-Chan…. 

Dooru: open your window, i’m coming over 

Iwa-Chan~: Tooru? 

Iwa-Chan~: you’re so dramatic…. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

hajime forced open his window. less than thirty seconds later, he watched in disbelief as his best friend hopped his fence. 

“tooru!” he whisper-shouted. “the hell are you doing?”

“iwa-chan! i told you i was coming over!” 

hajime laughed. “the ladder is by the shed.” 

a few minutes later, tooru had tumbled through hajime’s window with a soft thump. hajime hauled him to his feet. 

“iwa-chan…” tooru began, then paused. he licked his lips and wiped his hands on his shirt. he drifted closer to hajime, slowly, then placed two shaking hands on his shoulders. 

hajime leaned forward and closed the gap between their lips. the kiss was soft, gentle, and slightly awkward. 

tooru broke the kiss, eyes filling with tears. “iwa-chan” his breath hitched. “how could you ever think that i wouldn’t love you, too?”

hajime gave a broken laugh. “sounds silly, doesn’t it?” 

tooru felt himself being pulled into hajime’s chest. “it doesn’t matter now, though. i’m with you. i always will be.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Gucci: IM SO SICK OF SNOW 

flying tangerine: s a m e

Tobio Kageyama: same, tbh 

Salty-shima: as much as i hate to admit it, i miss practice 

Buddha: yEaH 😔👊 

waka waka (this time for africa): yes, but surkyhtswuyttuurstusutyrs 

Dooru: ?????? tf happened??????? 

waka waka (this time for africa): dropped my phone 

chicken tendou: can confirm 

_ Dooru has changed Iwa-Chan~’s name to Bara Arms  _

Bara Arms: Shittykawa….

Dooru: hmmmm? 

Bara Arms: fuckin idiot 

Dad-chi: he means it with love 

Bara Arms: :)) 

Suga-Mama: HE ISNT DENYING IT 

Dad-chi: ABORT ABORT

**private message: Dooru and Bara Arms**

Dooru: babe (hope that’s okay) 

Dooru: how tf are we gonna tell ppl this 

Bara Arms: prank 

Bara Arms: you just act oblivious asf

Dooru: poggers 

**My Spikes Aren’t The Only Thing On Point**

Tetsurou Kuroo: anyone wanna come watch Mamma Mia with us 

Tetsurou Kuroo: Nekoma is having a watch party and more people would be great 

Dooru: hon i am already there 

Koutarou Bokuto:  **OPEN THE DOOR**

Suga-Mama: joint party joint party joint party 

waka waka (this time for africa): open the door 

flying tangerine: wooooooo!!!!!!!!! 

Kozume Kenma: yay ig 

Kozume Kenma: shouyou if you steal my blanket i swear i’ll eat you for breakfast 

**private chat: jealous bitches**

Tobio Kageyama: oh my god 

Tobio Kageyama: he stealing my mans 

Tetsurou Kuroo: staph 

**My Spikes Aren’t The Only Thing On Point**

Dad-chi: where’d Suga go? 

Dooru: hell if i know

Suga-Mama: hmmmmm? 

Tetsurou Kuroo: is that what i think it is 👀

chicken tendou: YASS BITCH YASS 

Gucci: hell to the yeah 

Salty-shima: oh my god 

waka waka (this time for africa): we’re all underage 

waka waka (this time for africa): absolutely not 

Dad-chi: i’m with ushijima here 

Lev Haiba: it’s legal in russia according to Alisa 🥰 

Suga-Mama: i live in russia now 

Dooru: let’s get fucking blazed 

Suga-Mama: you’ve never smoked, have you. 

Dooru: nope :) 

Gucci: i’ve smoked with tsukki before 

Salty-shima: i suggest shutting up now :) 

Gucci: SORRY 

Suga-Mama: get off your phones 

Suga-Mama: come and get y’all juice

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

tooru blinked at the joint in his hand that he’d been passed by suga, who was looking more relaxed by the minute. 

“i sound really stupid right now, but do i just, like, smoke it?” 

suga blinked at him. “what else would you do?” 

tooru stared at the joint, then took an experimental drag. he choked. 

“slower!” suga shrieked. “you’ll choke!” 

“right” tooru said. 

he took a slower inhale. thankfully, he didn’t choke this time. 

“see? easy!” suga chirped. “pass it to lev, would ya?” 

as tooru passed the joint to lev, he could feel himself start to relax. 

“now” suga said, slumping back into the couch. “it’s your first time with it, so it’ll probably be a little stronger on you.” 

tooru could already feel the effects beginning in his brain. shit. his secret with iwa-chan would be out before the end of the night now. oh well. 

~~~~~the next morning~~~~ 

**My Spikes Aren’t The Only Thing On Point**

Dooru: my head hurts so bad wtf 

waka waka (this time for africa): i have a video from last night. 

waka waka (this time for africa): pardon my language, but you looked like a fucking dumbass. 

Bara Arms: hey leave him alone 

Bara Arms: he’s never been high before 

Suga-Mama: 👀 

Suga-Mama: also, oikawa, drink a shitton of water 

Gucci: ^ 

Buddha: nIsHiNoYa Is CuRrEnTlY pAsSeD oUt In AsAhI’s LaP 

Buddha: [ sleepyassbitch.jpeg ] 

Dad-chi: that image title i’m crying why are you like this- 

Buddha: wAiT wHy Is IwAiZuMi DeFeNdInG oIkAwA 

chicken tendou: note to self- do not mix booze and weed 

chicken tendou: i feel like i’m dying 

waka waka (this time for africa): don’t move, i’m coming over 

chicken tendou: babe i couldn’t if i tried 

chicken tendou: also bring pain meds 

waka waka (this time for africa): no, those will make it worse

Salty-shima: [ oikawaishighasf.vid ] 

Salty-shima: [ wtfsincewhenissugaastoner.vid ] 

Salty-shima: [ TADASHINO.vid ] 

Salty-shima: civic duty: performed 

_ Salty-shima is offline  _

Hitoka Yachi: of course this was the one day i was outta town 

Lev Haiba: why tf am i on kuroo’s floor 

Lev Haiba: wait 

Lev Haiba: nvm 

gremlin: your dumbass got baked last night 

Lev Haiba: yeah no shit 

flying tangerine: kenma is in kuroo’s lap, i repeat, kenma is in kuroo’s lap 

Koutarou Bokuto:  **MY BRO :,)**

gremlin: i swear all i do is babysit you morons 

Lev Haiba: but you love us 

gremlin: only you 

_ gremlin has deleted one message  _

waka waka (this time for africa): [ whyisthissocute.jpeg ] 

Dooru: ngl that is cute 

Kozume Kenma: watching y’all get baked was funny ngl 

Bara Arms: holy shit 

_ Bara Arms and Dooru are offline  _

waka waka (this time for africa): are they even trying at this point? 

Tobio Kageyama: like you tried with Tendou? 

waka waka (this time for africa): Touché. 

_ Dooru is online _

Dooru: eyo migraine check! 

Suga-Mama: take a nap, oikawa 

Dooru: don’t wanna

Suga-Mama: do it 

Dooru: no 

_ Bara Arms is online  _

Bara Arms: go to sleep, shittykawa 

Dooru: fine 

Dooru: mom 

_ Dooru is offline _

Koutarou Bokuto:  **w a i t**

Koutarou Bokuto:  **KENMA IS VERY MUCH CONSCIOUS BUT STILL IN KUROO’S LAP**

Koutarou Bokuto:  **THIS IS NOT A DRILL**

_ Tetsurou Kuroo is online  _

_ Tetsurou Kuroo has changed Koutarou Bokuto’s name to hoot hoot motherfucker  _

_ Tetsurou Kuroo is offline  _

Gucci: i- 

hoot hoot motherfucker: i’ve been betrayed. never in my life have i felt so lost. i have no friends. 

Keiji Akaashi: bitch what am i?  _ a roach _ ? 

hoot hoot motherfucker: life is an abyss. it has no meaning. 

Keiji Akaashi: he’s gone emo mode 

Kiyoomi Sakusa: no shit, sherlock 

Atsumu Miya: osamu stole my FUCKIN CEREAL 

Osamu Miya: don’t think yer ever gettin it back, BITCH

Kiyoomi Sakusa: can you not be petty 

Kiyoomi Sakusa: for two goddamn seconds

hoot hoot motherfucker: i believe i was put on this earth to suffer 

_ Tetsurou Kuroo is online  _

Tetsurou Kuroo: i found smth for last night 

Tetsurou Kuroo: [ iwaandoikawasittininatree.vid ] 

Kozume Kenma: knew it 

flying tangerine: woah! 

Tobio Kageyama: get someeeee 

_ Dooru is online _

Dooru: WHERE TF DID YOU GET THAT 

Dooru: I DONT EVEN REMEMBER LAST NIGHT 

Bara Arms: ...well shit

  
  
  
  



	4. lev is broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> roofs are dangerous at nekoma

Suga-Mama: wait wait wait 

Suga-Mama: YALL TWO FUCKED? 

Dad-chi: ew ew ew

Atsumu Miya: hate to detract from this 

Osamu Miya: no you don’t 

Atsumu Miya: but suga could step on me and i’d thank him 

Dad-chi: i ain’t gonna lie, same 

Suga-Mama: i-

Buddha: cOnGrAtS, yOu HaVe An ArMy Of SiMpS

Suga-Mama: let’s get back on topic 

Suga-Mama: iwaizumi fucked oikawa

flying tangerine: ...my innocent eyes… 

Tobio Kageyama: there there 

Hitoka Yachi:  _ aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa _

Salty-shima: to be honest, i’m starting to wish i remembered last night 

_ chicken tendou is online _

chicken tendou: weed and alcohol don’t mix, kids 

chicken tendou: yet i keep doing it anyway 😔 

waka waka (this time for africa): Go back to sleep, Satori. 

chicken tendou: gladly 

chicken tendou: later, bitches 

_ chicken tendou is offline _

_ waka waka (this time for africa) is offline _

Tetsurou Kuroo: note to self: don’t do what tendou does, ever 

hoot hoot motherfucker: are we gonna do it anyway? definitely! 

Keiji Akaashi: no. 

hoot hoot motherfucker: but aaaaaagggggaaaassshhhheeeee :( 

Keiji Akaashi: still no. 

hoot hoot motherfucker: :( 

Tetsurou Kuroo: you’ve made him even sadder :0 

flying tangerine: oh no, bokuto-san! 

_ Kozume Kenma is online _

_ Kozume Kenma changed Tetsurou Kuroo’s name to wet cat _

_ Kozume Kenma is offline  _

Lev Haiba: idk how i feel about this- 

gremlin: it’s glorious 

wet cat: >:/ 

hoot hoot motherfucker:  **KUROO I LOVE THE NICKNAME**

Keiji Akaashi: and he’s back 

**private chat: Dooru and Bara Arms**

Dooru: so, uh, did we actually fuck last night? 

Bara Arms: yeah…

Dooru: awesome 

Dooru: love you 💕

Bara Arms: love you too

**My Spikes Aren’t The Only Thing On Point**

Lev Haiba: and that’s why i don’t speak russian ✨ 

gremlin: fascinating 

Salty-shima: absolutely riveting 

Lev Haiba: you guys hurt my feelings ;-; 

Dooru: don’t hurt the first year’s feelings 

Dooru: wait until they’re broken like the rest of us 

Gucci: !!!!!!! 

flying tangerine: !!!!!!! 

Tobio Kageyama: !!!!!!! 

Hitoka Yachi: !!!!!!! 

Lev Haiba: !!!!!!! 

Salty-shima: bold of you to assume i was ever alive inside 

_ flying tangerine changed Tobio Kageyama’s name to towobio  _

towobio: thanks! i hate it! 

flying tangerine: you’re welcome! glad you’re suffering! 

Dad-chi: stop flirting 

Buddha: oUr TwO fAvOrItE lOvEbIrDs 

flying tangerine: ew ew ew 

towobio: yeah, gross 

Lev Haiba: i don’t wanna be dead inside ;-; 

gremlin: i definitely am already 

Suga-Mama: you have to be if you’re a third year 

_ Chikara Ennoshita is online  _

Chikara Ennoshita: well ig i’m ahead of the curve 

_ Chikara Ennoshita is offline  _

Buddha: eNnOsHiTa Is A cRyPtId CoNfIrMeD 

_ waka waka (this time for africa) is online  _

waka waka (this time for africa): You all have destroyed my will to live as well as my sanity. 

_ Eita Semi is online  _

Eita Semi: ill take that as a complement 

_ chicken tendou is online  _

_ chicken tendou changed Eita Semi’s name to semisemi~  _

_ chicken tendou is offline  _

waka waka (this time for africa): he woke up, changed Semi’s name, and fell back asleep. 

waka waka (this time for africa): It was very cute. 

Dooru: you two are so soft it makes my heart hurt 

Dooru: anyway i still have a headache i’m going back to bed

Dooru: love y’all 💕✨ 

_ Dooru is offline  _

**private chat: Dooru and Bara Arms**

Dooru: my ass hurts so bad you bitch 

Bara Arms: ;) 

Dooru: >:/ 

**My Spikes Aren’t The Only Things On Point**

Suga-Mama: it smells like someone puked in the karasuno storage room 

Suga-Mama: who was it?

towobio: ew ew ew 

Salty-shima: disgusting 

Gucci: n a s t y 

flying tangerine: ew!

Buddha: e w 

Suga-Mama: it doesn’t matter, though, i’m cleaning it up 

Dad-chi: damn, Suga, what did we do to deserve you? 

Buddha: wErE nOt WoRtHy 

Suga-Mama: that was nasty. 

_ Buddha changed ROOOOLLLING THUNDERRRR’s name to zipzap  _

zipzap: iM nOt MaD aT iT 

Gucci: i’m sitting here 

flying tangerine: crying in my prom dress 

Hitoka Yachi: i’d be the prom queen if crying was the contest 

Suga-Mama: y’all good? 

Gucci: no 

flying tangerine: absolutely not 

Hitoka Yachi: nope! 

Salty-shima: I’ll come get him- 

__

Gucci: nah, tsukki, i’m good! 

Buddha: sUrE 

towobio: Saltyshima just got rejected-

Salty-shima: shut your ugly-ass face or i swear to god- 

Kiyoko: girl in red. 

Kiyoko: I don’t have many conversation starters. 

waka waka (this time for africa): I have to say sweater weather. 

Kiyoko: Good taste. 

waka waka (this time for africa): Thank you. 

Bara Arms: this was the most oddly wholesome conversation i’ve ever seen 

Gucci: girl in red is good 

Hitoka Yachi: kindred spirit! 

Gucci: anxiety gang gang 

Asahi Azumane: Anxiety gang gang 

Kozume Kenma: anxiety gang gang 

Hitoka Yachi: anxiety gang gang

towobio: me thinking girl in red was for lesbiabs but apparently I’m mistaken-

Gucci: lesbiabs

Dooru: lesbiabs

Buddha: lesbiabs

zipzap: lesbiabs

towobio: listen, shut it. 

waka waka (this time for africa): ...lesbiabs 

towobio: I stg 

Suga-mama: you can’t stop them 

towobio: apparently not

flying tangerine: lesbiabs 

towobio: LISTEN YOU FLYING TANGERINE- 

flying tangerine:  _ my name’s kageyama, i’m a bitch because i’m scared people don’t like me  _

Salty-shima: he really said fuck you in innocent

Kozume Kenma: shouyou you cursed- 

towobio: he does that sometimes 

Gucci: can confirm 

zipzap: i LoSt My SpInE 

Suga-Mama:  **what the fuck**

Buddha:  **wHaT tHe FuCk InDeEd…**

Buddha:  **AnD wHy DiDn’T yOu iNvItE mE?!**

gremlin: what the hell happens at karasuno 

_ chicken tendou is online  _

chicken tendou: i’m seggsy colonel sanders 

waka waka (this time for africa): I have no idea what to do with this statement

Chikara Ennoshita: I don’t think any of us do at this point. 

Zipzap: wE nEeD tO cHaNgE eVeRyOnE’s NiCkNaMeS 

Suga-Mama:  **_oh god no_ **

Buddha:  **_oH gOd yEssssssssSSSSSsSSSSSsSsssS_ **

Dad-chi: where did i go wrong 

Gucci: the better question is 

Salty-shima: were they ever right 

towobio: finishing each other’s sentences~

flying tangerine: who knew he was into this kind of stuff

towobio: I HAVE INTERESTS OUTSIDE OF YOU BOKE

Salty-shima: shocker

Gucci: not me coming to get your sarcastic ass- 

Dad-chi: my kids are growing up like us

Suga-mama: they really do seem to be 

waka waka (this time for africa): I’m praying that Goshiki stays innocent forever at this point. 

chicken tendou: is that so~ 

_ zipzap changed chicken tendou’s name to hisoka  _

hisoka: …. 

waka waka (this time for africa): ...Why do I have a bad feeling? 

Suga-mama: because you’ve met our kids 

Tsutomu Goshiki: :0 

waka waka (this time for africa): Oh no. 

Ukai: why am i getting so many messages and what am i doing in here?

Suga-Mama:  **_shit._ **

Buddha: AbOrT 

Zipzap: ScAtTeR 

_ Nekomata, Washijo is typing…. _

hisoka: RUN 

waka waka (this time for africa): It was nice knowing all of you. 

Suga-Mama: it won’t be that bad, will it?

Washijo: WHat are u doing here?! If u have so much free time, u can train more and harder!!!

hisoka:  **_fuck_ **

hisoka:  _ i have a migraine don’t kill me _

Dooru: do i need to hold a funeral? 

Tsutomu Goshiki:  _ bye  _

_ Tsutomu Goshiki is offline _

Nekomata: Washiji old pal let the kid be, they are still young and their training can get harder that is a good idea 

Ukai: sounds good, ya old man!

_ waka waka (this time for africa) and hisoka are offline  _

Buddha: 👀 tHaT eScAlAtEd QuIcKlY

Suga-Mama: ...i’ll say

Atsumu Miya: thank god i’m safe 

Osamu Miya: wanna bet?

Norimune: You will get an hour of more training after practice for the next month! 

Atsumu Miya:  **nooooo**

Ukai: wouldn’t 2 hours be better after he sounds so happy about it?

Nekomata: truthful

Washijo: A good Idea for such a young Coach

Atsumu Miya: omiomi lemme transfer to your school ;-;

Kiyoomi Sakusa: no

Atsumu Miya: yer so mean to me! 

hoot hoot motherfucker:  _ agashee im scared come pick me up _

Keiji Akaashi: you’re on your own 

Tetsurou Kuroo:  _ holy shit lev just fell off the roof is he okay  _

gremlin: he’s absolutely not fine 

Kozume Kenma: that looked painful...

_ Tetsurou Kuroo changed Kozume Kenma to Game kitty _

Game kitty: no. 

_ Game kitty changed Tetsurou Kuroo to Maid Cat _

Lev Haiba: ah fuck my back

_ Game kitty changed Game kitty to Kenma _

Buddha: tHaT’s KiNdA kInKy 

gremlin: which one? 

Buddha: yEs

Suga-Mama: Lev, are you all right? 

Lev Haiba: yeah

Maid Cat: …. No-

_ Maid Cat changed Maid Cat to Cat Endmaster Boss _

_ Cat Endmaster Boss changed Kenma to lil Kitten _

hoot hoot motherfucker: my best bro is getting some  _ wipes tears _

lil Kitten: grrrr

_ lil Kitten changed lil Kitten to Kenma _

_ Cat Endmaster Boss changed Kenma to GamerCat~<3 _

gremlin: lev, your leg definitely shouldn’t be at that angle 

Lev Haiba: oh shit

Cat Endmaster Boss: update- hes screaming 

Gucci: i would be too 

Salty-shima: you broke your wrist in junior high 

Gucci: oh shit, i blocked that memory 

Taketore Yamamoto: Why is Kenma broken and what happen to Haiba?

Lev Haiba:  _ AAAAAAAAAAAAA _

gremlin: he fell off the roof and broke his leg. 

So Inuoka: Who broke Kenma?

gremlin: Kuroo. 

gremlin: Someone help me move Lev, he weighs like a ton. 

Lev Haiba:  _ AAAAAAAAAAAA  _

Hoot hoot motherfucker: i’m on my way! 

gremlin: oh shit that looks nasty what do i do

Suga-Mama: keep the leg stable 

Hoot hoot motherfucker:  **AAAAA THATS NOT GOOD**

Lev Haiba:  _ AAAAAAAAAAAA _

Kei Noboyuki: why is Kenma laying broken in the hallway?

gremlin: who here can drive 

gremlin: this is a time-sensitive question 

Dad-chi: holy shit i’m on my way

Dad-chi: oooh, that looks nasty 

gremlin: imma be offline while we wait for urgent care 

gremlin: bye 

Lev Haiba:  _ AAAAAAAAAAAA  _

_ gremlin and Lev Haiba are offline  _

  
  



End file.
